grandma shit on top of the toilet
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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