Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
