girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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