Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize