he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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