Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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