if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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