so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
