I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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