I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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