hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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