My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
