we have pet lesbian snakes
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
