I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
