i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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