please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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