u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
