I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The beer is more important than you right now.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
