we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize