you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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