Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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