Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
