were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize