Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
