either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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