Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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