Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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