We won't sleep together?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Even my vagina gasped.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
