I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
