**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I want to be your penis for a week.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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