i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm like, not good at living.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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