Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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