i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
