she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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