The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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