he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
