What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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