She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
