I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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