She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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