Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
