I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
