just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize