he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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