I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
