"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
