I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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