I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He passed out mid-signature
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
