Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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