did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
