I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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