Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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