it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
