I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
