absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
