You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I need moral support for this bender
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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