you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize