Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
