i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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