And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
