dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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