I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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