it wasn't lemon gatorade
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
