I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my sisters under your porch take her home
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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