So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
