brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You're my little dorito
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
